Sam, weīre getting straight gammas...
every half pulse at irregular intervals.
Letīs move to right ascension 23 hours, 5 minutes.
Sam, what the hell is going on out here?
Alpha Orionis is going supernova.
Sometime in the next 100 million years.
-Thursday. -Excuse me?
ltīs going supernova Thursday.
Sam, if Alpha Orionis were about to go supernova...
there would be silicon flashes.
Neutrino emissions.
Even in daylight, we would be able to see--
You predicted this?
Excuse me, Sam.
l know youīre busy, but itīs almost noon.
Carl, itīs almost noon.
ltīs noon, everybody. Letīs go!
Get in position! Letīs go!
What?
What are you doing?
Youīre pointing the damn thing down!
Professor, thereīs this other phenomenon...
that Sam gives his priority to at noon.
Other priority? Now?
Every day.
What could be more important?
Actually, this event isnīt strictly celestial.
l wuv you.
He loved me...
said the little blue man...
And scared me right out of my wits.
What is it?
Remember l told you they were going to pick a teacher...
to represent the district at the school in New York?
New York? You?
Thatīs great.
Sam, donīt look at me like that.
ltīs only two months.
ltīs not like līm going to the moon.
Two months is a long time.
You could come.
You know l canīt.
You could take off work.
You just never want to get out of this town...
and see the possibilities.
Everything l want to see is right here.
You, the sky.
Sam, l went to school in that building right there.
l hung upside down on this junglegym.
ln 20 years, l havenīt moved an inch.
l fell in love with you on this junglegym.
You know how much l want to do this, but l love you.
So if you tell me to stay, līll stay.
Stay.
Hey, Joe, hoist it up!
ltīs got to be higher.
Much higher.
Mr. Green, what are you doing here?
l was just on my way to the airport.
Come here, Sam.
ls Linda all right?
Sam, listen to me.
Love can sometimes be a very difficult thing.
Listen up.
''Dear Sam, this is the most difficult thing līve ever done.
''līm sorry l donīt have the courage...
''to do it face-to-face.
''l never planned this, Sam.''
Mr. Green, what is this?
She left you.
līm reading her Dear John.
''ltīs not you, Sam. How can l make you understand?
''Your life is set.
''You have your stars and your friends and the town...
''but l feel like līm just finding out...
''what mine is all about.
''Oh, Sam, so many emotions are surfacing as l write this.''
Where is she, Mr. Green?
She thought it would be best if you didnīt talk for a while.
Let me finish this up.
''Youīre my best friend in the world, Sam...
''so you must know that this is the way l am.
''l canīt help it. ltīs my nature.''
ltīs true, son. Sheīs nuts.
līm not finished.
The best partīs coming up.
Would you mind just checking?
Two blocks down and to the left.
Thanks.
l hope līm doing the right thing.
līm sure you are.
Honey!
What is it?
Can you get that?
līm taking a nap.
līm in the bath.
All right.
l hear you, God damn it!
Are you OK?
Whatīs this table doing here?
This better be goddamn good!
Youīre ruining my beauty sleep!
Damn you! Lay off the buzzer!
Who is it?
No problem here.
Who is it?
Morning, everybody.
Morning, Linda. Morning, Tarzan.
We are...
six minutes later than yesterday.
Thatīs six... carry the two. Good.
Ah, there.
See that?
Medium smile...no teeth.
Donīt forget the vase.
Got to get it perfectly centered.
There? No.
One more. Why not?
Annoying, isnīt it, honey?
Grin all you want, monkey man.
All you are is a passing meteor shower.
Youīll be gone soon enough.
l feel sorry for you, you poor bastard.
Carl, itīs me, Sam.
Calm down. līm fine.
līm still in New York.
Weīre great.
Lindaīs very happy.
We may stay a while. Weīre very busy.
Thereīs lots to do.
Listen, Carl, l need you to sell my truck.
Whatever you can get for it.
līm just a little short of cash right now.
līm still here.
Listen, Carl, thereīs something else l need...
and Professor Wells doesnīt have to know about it.
Hey, Linda. How you doing?
You want to hear something funny?
l saw this on the news before l came out.
Fainting goats. līm not making this up.
Thereīs this breed of goats.
l donīt know why, but...
they faint at the slightest thing.
lf they hear a loud noise or a gun goes off...
they black out, fall right over, one after the other.
l thought youīd like that.
Get off.
l donīt even have a chart for that.
Get over here.
Gotcha!
Get away from here!
līm warning you! l have a gun!
Oh, shit.
What the hell are you?
What do you want? Who are you?
Excuse me. l asked a question.
l live here. What do you want?
l asked you a question.
Donīt touch that.
Get away from that.
Who the hell are you? What do you want?
Theyīll hear you.
What are you talking about?
Your little Goldilocks and my ex-fiancé.
Hold it.
Are you saying that guy, that thing over there--
Whatīs your name?
Mike.
Whatīs your name, Mike?
Sam.
Sam, līm Maggie.
līll be staying here a while.
l sleep naked.
ltīs the only way līm comfortable.
So donīt think of it as a come-on...
because if you so much as breathe in my direction...
l will nail your willy to that beam.
Donīt mess with my stuff, donīt get in my way...
and līm sure weīll get along fine.
Nighty-night.
What is all this stuff?
Bugging equipment, cactus.
Like listening bugging?
Bugging who?
Take a wild guess.
Why would anyone want to do that?
īCause l want to hear what goes on in there.
Donīt you want to hear what goes on in there?
No, l do not.
Why not?
īCause that would be an invasion of her privacy.
Excuse me, Mr. Video.
Thatīs not a video.
ltīs a camera obscura.
ltīs pure light.
līm not spying.
l just want to be with her.
Thatīs completely different.
l know how you feel.
You want him back so badly that you canīt stand it.
ltīs like your guts are twisting around inside.
But bugging their apartment...
What?
l donīt want him back. l want him vaporized.
Extinguished!
When līm done with him...
heīll be a twitchy little stain on the floor.
ls that what youīre doing?
Youīre waiting for her to leave him for you?
Absolutely.
Have you seen him?
He is irrelevant. Linda and l are soul mates.
This is just a passing phase.
Theyīre going to break up tonight. l know it.
līm listening.
līm an astronomer.
ltīs my job to find patterns in things...
that seem completely random.
l found a pattern.
ltīs all in the data.
The data.
This data.
''Mutual feeding activity.''
ltīs the number of times that Linda...
and whatīs-his-name feed each other.
Youīre counting.
Not just that. Everything.
Kisses, hugs, smiles, fights.
They fight?
Not yet.
Long looks, whispering, shouting.
They shout?
Youīre missing the point.
Tonight thereīs going to be a fight.
They are going to break up...
and līm going to be right here for her.
Tonight this will all be over...
so you might as well start packing your bags.
That is the most pathetic thing līve ever heard.
l donīt mean that trivially.
līm a photographer. līve seen a lot of things.
l once took pictures of a man who ate his own legs...
and you would be the black sheep of that family.
What is your evil plan-- squirt him with squirt guns?
Throw rotten strawberries at him?
You looked in my satchel?
Yeah. Call a cop.
You are a strange, tragic little man.
Say what you want. Linda and l are in love.
Except for her boning my boyfriend...
you guys are the perfect couple.
Listen, Catwoman, at the end of the day...
she is coming back to me, and weīre going to be happy.
And where are you going to be?
All alone somewhere, hatching some little revenge scheme.
Let me tell you something, Sam.
Listen very carefully. Are you listening?
The only way that girl is coming back to you...
is if a blast of semen catapults her...
across the street and through the window.
l want you out.
Not going to happen.
l was here first.
Put me down for half the rent and get out of my face.
l wouldnīt do that if l were you.
Why not?
You paid for it.
You stole my money.
You took everything l had to buy this crap?
That was everything you had?
What the hell is that for, anyway?
ltīs pretty, Sam.
There we go.
You can hear them?
Are they talking?
What about?
You wouldnīt be interested.
Let me hear.
ltīs wrong, Sam.
Just for a second.
l just want to hear her sweet voice.
Beg me.
Please.
Excuse me. Did you say something?
Please let me hear.
Oh, my God.
Heīs killing her.
Heīs killing her, all right...
and sheīs loving every minute of it.
Sheīs not like that.
She likes to make love quiet and slow and gentle.
That girl of yours is a carnival ride.
This is horrible.
This is worse than līd imagined.
Want me to turn it off?
No. l need to hear it.
How very brave.
Heīs making love to her in French.
You know, Sam, French men are very small.
But not this guy.
ltīs like Godzillaīs tail.
He could take down Tokyo with that thing.
This has got to be the longest orgasm līve heard.
Sam, you want your charts?
You enjoy making me suffer.
Help me get him, Sam.
Take the road less traveled.
ltīll make all the difference.
Forget it.
l will not get sucked into your nightmare.
Whatever.
l think l can get this in stereo.
Welcome to New York, spy-boy.
Slim Jim?
Letīs see what Ken and Barbie are having tonight.
Squab.
He marinates it for half a day in a lemon-wine sauce...
and he braises it with sugar.
Please be quiet. l have to concentrate.
ltīs happening tonight.
Smells delicious.
līll tell you a secret.
ltīs not my recipe.
l met an old man, and he said...
only prepare it for the woman you love.
Later l found out he made it for a party he catered.
500 people. Heīs just bursting with love.
You should go to his restaurant sometime.
Good food, good people.
Wait. Take the spoon like this...
Just let her eat it, you maggot!
ltīs the best thing līve ever eaten.
Will you shut up?
l love to watch you eat.
She hates having people watch her eat.
Heīs going down in flames.
Here it comes.
Oh, you know... l heard the most amusing story.
There is this-- What are they called?
Sheep.
Yeah. A breed of goats.
And when they hear a sharp sound, they fall over.
A sharp sound?
Yeah. Anything.
You clap your hands, and they fall over.
Thatīs my story.
They pass out when they hear a sharp sound.
ltīs true.
They just fall over on the ground.
Thatīs my kiss.
Thatīs my...
Oh, not the food.
līll do it.
līll do whatever you want.
This has to stop.
l donīt care about right or wrong anymore.
This must stop.
All you gotta do is nudge him.
Just graze him like that.
Sorry.
Youīre sorry? You should be goddamned sorry.
You think you can trample a person and say youīre sorry?
Well, you canīt.
You canīt trample on somebodyīs life and say, ''līm sorry.''
There ought to be something more you can say...
when you walk all over somebody.
And youīre throwing food everywhere!
l think we took a detour from the plan there.
l really hit him, didnīt l?
You smacked him one, all right!
Howīd it feel?
Great!
What is your plan?
What do you want to do?
l just want his dignity, thatīs all.
l want him penniless, hopeless, loveless, finished off.
l just wish him very, very ill.
How ill are we talking here?
līm not saying l want him dead.
But, should that occur, people die all the time.
Why should he be any different?
Just thinking on my feet, though.
l donīt have to decide the death part right now.
l can wait and see how l feel...
once his dignityīs a thing of the past.
Am l boring you?
Thank you, Anton.
Maybe l shouldnīt have hit him.
Heīs just in love.
Heīs just in love, the same as me.
Define love.
Why?
Because every other word out of you mouth is ''love.''
līd like to know what it is...
this magical ideal of yours.
Define it.
Well, itīs like, l donīt know...
ltīs like all your life you walk around...
with this feeling of emptiness in your stomach.
You feel completely hollow.
And when youīre in love, you feel...
not hollow.
ltīs like without it, thereīs nothing.
A shell. A cavernous emptiness.
Forget it. You canīt define it.
When l was a kid, my father had this dog.
lt started to get weak and sickly so he took it to the vet.
The doctor examines it and says...
a maggot mustīve laid eggs in the dogīs butt.
He says thereīs not much they can do.
The baby maggots have crawled up and started to grow...
and eventually theyīre going to eat the dog alive...
from the inside out.
He says it should be put to sleep...
because itīs an old dog, anyway.
But Father wonīt do it.
He takes it home.
He puts it on the bed.
He starts to reach up into the dog...
picking out the maggots with his fingers, one by one.
lt takes him all night, but he gets every last one.
That dog outlived my father.
Thatīs love, Sam.
Youīre not that tough, Maggie.
l can tell youīre not that tough.
And you can forget about a career with Hallmark.
Wonīt he miss the card?
He wonīt know what hit him till the bill comes...
īcause he only uses his platinum.
līll just take everything in this whole area.
You know Antonīs having an affair?
He is?
Thatīs what Lindaīs going to think.
Where are you sending them?
To my Nana.
The old battle-ax should get a kick out of this.
How much to put lipstick on the monkey?
ls that for you or for him?
l donīt touch the monkey.
l donīt want to have anything to do with the monkey.
Howīs 40?
For 50 līd strap on a garter and wax her legs.
Lovely lipstick, darling.
Now, honey, you canīt be treating me this way.
Weīve known each other too long.
You canīt even look me in the eye.
What? Youīre in love?
Youīre in love with that man?
That man could never make you happy.
What the hell is that? Shit!
Good God! Kiss him, baby!
Get this goddamned monkey off my back!
Give that man a hand!
OK, thatīs fine.
No problem.
Greta thanks you. l thank you.
Hello, sweetheart.
Here we go. The targetīs home.
You know bankers.
They want to know every little thing.
What do they know about the restaurant business?
Are we packed?
Hey, why donīt we forget about the Hamptons...
and spend the weekend in bed?
There, that look!
She sees it.
Stay with her.
Go back to her, Sam!
Stick to her.
Relax.
Anything you wanted to tell me?
What?
Whatīs that on your collar?
Turn it up. l canīt hear them.
Oh, that.
Youīll never believe this.
līm walking through Washington Square...
and thereīs this stupid man.
You know, some guy with a monkey.
A street performer?
That son of a bitch, yeah.
The monkey jumps on me and wonīt get off my back.
Youīre kidding.
The people all around, they are laughing.
And the monkey is kissing me, kissing me.
l think it peed on me. lt stinks.
What is she laughing at?
l donīt know.
What do you think of the story?
līll show you what l think.
līll get you.
Letīs forget about the Hamptons.
ltīs going very well, donīt you think?
Drink up, buddy, īcause tonight weīre going in.
There they go.
We want to go to the Long lsland railroad.
ldiot never even changed the lock.
Close it.
ltīs so much smaller than it looks on TV.
ln the couch.
What?
ln the couch. Donīt make it obvious.
-Youīre kidding. -Just do it.
Why were you wearing them?
Authenticity.
What are you going to do?
Receipts.
Why are we whispering?
l donīt know.
Mine.
Perfection, yes?
Voilā.
This is comfortable.
This is what you wear to walk about...
with everything swinging freely.
Look at me. l am so fabulous.
l am so beautiful.
Witness my matted chest hairs.
They are nice, no?
What do you think?
You look...
Look at this.
l love you, Linda.
l hate you, Anton.
l got to make the bed.
Sure. Right.
Can you clean the kitchen?
We should get out of here.
l think we should talk.
Nothing to talk about.
Yes, there is. Something happened.
l would like to talk about it.
Nothing happened, Sam.
OK? Nothing happened.
l know what youīre going through.
līm going through the same thing.
Get this straight, pal. l am not like you.
l donīt care what youīre going through.
lf l thought you and l were alike in the most trivial way...
l would tie a rope around my neck.
līm sorry.
Last night wasnīt us, Maggie.
l know. līm glad you know.
Maybe we should just, l donīt know, call it a day.
You know whatīs going to happen to her, Sam?
Heīs going to make her feel...
like sheīs the only woman in the world.
When he looks at her, itīll be just like a kid...
looks at a Christmas tree all lit up and shiny.
For the first time, sheīll feel like sheīs really been seen...
and really loved.
And then...
And then three weeks later...
sheīll find a pair of panties in the couch.
Then sheīll learn that she was just a steppingstone.
That he was just using her to get a visa.
ltīll change her, Sam.
l understand.
You know whatīs always bothered me?
l canīt see the side of her face.
l can never see the left side of her face...
when sheīs standing here in the kitchen...
because of these things in the window.
So help me move this over a little bit.
Good?
A little more.
Good.
What?
l saw the sign about the job.
l donīt want a half salt shaker on the table.
You go and refill it immediately.
Pardon.
Nothing here for you. Go.
Why?
Do l need a reason in my own restaurant?
Of course not.
l donīt like your face, thatīs why.
Just go.
Wait.
Why did you do that?
Why did l do what?
The flowers. Why did you move it like that?
l wanted them to be in the middle of the table.
Why?
Because it was--
lt was just something that l had to do.
Perhaps at heart you seek perfection, no?
Yes, perhaps l do.
Almost done?
Almost.
Good work.
Why donīt you stop for a moment?
l know who you are.
lt took me a little while, but l figure it out.
Dry off your hands.
lt was you who attacked me that day.
Couldnīt see your eyes, but l donīt forget a face.
You didnīt put an address down on your application.
You are homeless, arenīt you?
Thatīs OK. Donīt be ashamed.
You know, l was hungry myself once.
l would see a rich man, a man l envied...
l would want to strangle him.
But thatīs not the way l found.
You must better yourself.
Donīt be ashamed.
Give me your hand. Come on.
l like a man who fights for what he wants.
But if you ever mess with me again...
līll rip out your eyes and rape your skull.
Excuse my French.
Was a good punch, huh?
Solid.
lt was nice.
So you did all his dishes and got punched in the face.
What was your thinking there?
līm missing something. What was your plan?
No plan. l just wanted to face him.
l wanted to be in the same room with him...
to talk to him.
ln my mind, he was like a god.
Now what do you think?
Well, itīs not like heīs God God anymore.
Heīs more like a volcano god or a sea god.
One of those sub-gods.
Maggie, l think he likes me.
One thing, though.
He said something about having sex with my skull.
He says that to everybody.
Donīt worry about it.
Sorry.
l donīt like the sound of it.
l donīt like the image that it conjures.
l canīt honestly say l blame you, Sam.
So l let go with my hands...
and l fell off the top of the junglegym face-first...
and l broke this tooth right in half.
līm laying on my back, blood all over my face...
the kids are yelling, the teachers are freaking out...
and l look up, and there she is.
Sheīs just looking down at me...
with this worried little smile on her face.
l swear to God, when l saw her, the pain just went away.
Once l took pictures of a bunch of ducklings...
who imprinted on a gardener in the park.
They thought he was Mama...
and they used to chase him around all day...
while he drove around on his lawn mower.
Thatīs exactly what it feels like.
ltīs like sheīs branded on my brain.
What happened to this guy...
is that one day he forgot the ducks were there.
He put the mower in reverse, chewed them to pieces.
Donīt you know any happy stories?
There he is.
Thatīs him!
Letīs get him!
Our work is done.
Midgets coming out of the blue.
l had to protect myself with one of them.
Midgets coming out of the blue?
Yeah. Little childrens shooting perfume at me.
From their guns.
Perfume from their guns?